=Story 1=
Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker are captured by a fierce tribe. The chief approaches them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over-the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled, and screams, "What are you doing???" The New Yorker looks at the chief and laughs, "So much for your canoe!"
=Story 2=
A priest, a math teacher, and a soldier all got on the plane.
The math teacher took out his math book to plan his next lesson, and it fell out the window.
The priest took out to bible to pray, and it fell out the window.
The soldier took out a grenade in memory of his grandfather, and it fell out the window.
They all got off the plane.
The math teacher found a girl crying on the sidewalk. The math teacher asks, "Why are you crying?" The little girl says, "A math book fell from the sky and hit me on the head!" The math teacher walked away.
The priest found a little boy crying on his lawn. The priest asked, "Why are you crying?" The little boy said, "A bible fell out of the sky and hit me on the head!" The priest walked away.
The soldier found a boy on the street laughing his head off. The soldier asks, "Why are you laughing so hard?" The little boy said," I farted and that house blew up!!!!"
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